i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
