Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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