Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
