Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
