He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
