he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
