Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
