I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
