Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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