Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
