Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
