just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
