ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we're making bets on your personal life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
