Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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