I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
