he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
