i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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