Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
no you cant smoke seaweed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
