yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
