I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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