I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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