i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
