Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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