The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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