i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
