Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
