I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
