help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want to be your penis for a week.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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