Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
