New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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