DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
