The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
