I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
