Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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