Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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