I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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