I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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