I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
