I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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