People in love make me want to vomit
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
