i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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