I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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