we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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