i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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