my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
