Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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