i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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