i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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