They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
