I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
