I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
